Aug 12, 2016 10:00 AM

The WIRED Guide to Becoming the Biggest Nerd on Campus

These products will have you claiming Alpha Nerd status in no time.

This image may contain Glasses Accessories Accessory and Sunglasses

Featured in this article

Image may contain Glasses Accessories Accessory and Sunglasses

Image may contain Clothing Apparel TShirt and Sleeve

Image may contain Clothing Apparel Sweater Sweatshirt Hoodie Fleece and Sleeve

Image may contain Clothing Apparel Cap Hat and Baseball Cap

If you're a nerd, you have to OWN IT. That doesn't mean buying a Star Trek remote control or a Bazinga shirt and calling it a day. No, you must curate the various nerdy items in your life like an expert chef, using only the highest-quality ingredients. Only the deepest cuts in the realm of pop-culture references. Only the most-pragmatic attire. Only the sickest mechanical keyboard. These products will ensure everyone knows you're the Alpha Nerd.

Ray-Ban
01
New Wayfarer Glasses
Thick-rimmed specs are a badge of nerd honor, and you deserve more than cheap frames with a taped-up bridge. Ray-Ban's [new Wayfarer frames](http://www.ray-ban.com/usa/eyeglasses/RX5184%20MALE%20012-new%20wayfarer%20optics-black/805289324485) ($170) split the difference between those guys in the [Fight For Your Right](http://www.beastiemania.com/qa/ffyrtp02.php) video and Tom Cruise in *Risky Business*. Wear them au naturel for 364 days, then tape them up for Nerd Pride Day on May 25.
Found Item Clothing
02
International Order for Gorillas T-Shirt
In the '80s, being "cool" or being a "nerd" was an either/or thing. Val Kilmer's character in *Real Genius* changed the game: He used smarts to turn his dorm into an ice rink and a professor's home into a massive Jiffy Pop pan. He also wore this sweet [International Order for Gorillas shirt](http://www.founditemclothing.com/shop/International-Order-for-Gorillas.html) ($21) while [demoing the world's most powerful laser](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ds0wYpc1eM).

American Giant
03
American Giant Classic Full-Zip Hoodie
Thanks to [this guy](https://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/zuck-levy.jpg) (or maybe [this person](https://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/ff_oculusrift6_f.jpg) or [this character](https://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/mrr_elliot_gallery_13-582x327.jpg)), the hoodie is a must-have nerd staple. It's practically a nerd tuxedo at this point. This [American Giant hoodie](http://www.american-giant.com/classic-full-zip/M1-1A-1.html) ($89) is the filet mignon of nerd tuxedos. It's so good, it doesn't care if a metaphor doesn't make sense.
Ideal Cap Company
04
Springfield Isotopes Hat
For some reason, the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant softball hat---featuring [Smilin' Joe Fission](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Smilin'_Joe_Fission)---is not available in the real world. But this ['Topes cap](http://idealcapco.com/20FIISO95.html) ($49) is, and it's awesome.

SCOTTeVEST
05
Scott eVest Revolution
You don't want to have too many pop-culture references in your wardrobe. Switch it up with this pragmatic jacket. This [Scott eVest](http://www.scottevest.com/v3_store/Revolution-Jacket.shtml) ($225) number has like a zillion pockets hidden inside it, including one for your dang iPad. You've got compartments to keep your Android device, calculator, and iPhone safely separated, a holster for your bottle of Soylent, and... about five more pockets.
Kangaroos
06
A Pair of Kangaroos
[Kangaroos](http://www.kangaroos.com/) ($30) are the Scott eVests of footwear. At least in theory, because they don't have nearly as much storage capacity. The shoes only have a couple of tiny pockets in them, good for about 47 cents in change, a set of keys, or a USB stick with the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy on it.

CODE
07
CODE Mechanical Keyboard
Of course you need a mechanical keyboard, and CODE's [gorgeous matte-black model](https://codekeyboards.com/) ($145 - 165) is a masterpiece. It may look understated, but it's about as advanced as a keyboard can get. You can pick from four Cherry MX switch sets, configure the keys via a set of switches on the underside, and turn the keyboard's backlight on or off.
Ergotech
08
Multi-monitor stand
Two monitors isn't cool. You know what's cool? Three monitors. Your peripheral vision will be pleased with [this three-monitor stand](http://shop.ergotechgroup.com/triple-monitor-stands-tw) ($170), which accommodates a trio of 27-inch monitors. That's 81 inches of monitor for your gaming and coding whims.

Science & Society Picture Library/Getty Images
09
Macquarium
For some reason, there's no readymade version of [a Macquarium](http://lowendmac.com/2013/so-you-wanna-build-a-macquarium/). This is a major oversight, one you will eventually turn into your own multi-thousand-dollar business out of your dorm room. But first, you're going to need to build your own. And maybe get some fish.
Segway
10
Segway MiniPro
You were smart to hold out on buying a "hoverboard" until they figured out the whole exploding-battery thing. [Segway's MiniPro](http://www.wired.com/2016/07/weird-new-segway-finally-making-hoverboards-legit/) ($798) was the first post-hover-boom vehicle to earn UL-2272 electrical safety certification, and it adds plenty more unique features: Inflatable tires, a steering system that uses your knees, and the ability to drive it with an app without riding it.

Duncan
11
Duncan Echo Yo-Yo
[This yo-yo](https://www.yo-yo.com/index.php/site/products/3124BU-RD) ($47) is just a "yo." It's unresponsive, which means it won't return to your hand automatically. For that, you'll need to learn some [binding tricks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0wnN4blxII), which means you'll be the talk of the town with your yo-yo skillz. Don't forget the [yo-yo lube](https://yoyotricks.com/yoyo-store/yoyo-mods-maintenance/yoyo-lube/yotricks-thin-yoyo-lube/).
Dice Lab
12
120-Sided Die
Gaming without dice is like eating cornflakes without the milk. [This one](http://thedicelab.com/d120.html) ($12) is ridiculously impractical in most games, but we're sure you can find some way to squeeze a 1d120 roll into your next campaign.

Comments

Tim Moynihan covers hardware for Gadget Lab, with a concentration on cameras, TVs, Ultra HD video, virtual reality, and the weirdest things he can find. He has 17 years of tech journalism experience, serving as senior editor at PCWorld, homepage editor at CNET, and an online producer at TechTV prior ... Read More

Contributing Writer

TopicsSegway

Is the Electric Trike the Next Big Thing in Shared Micromobility?

Veo is launching accessibility-focused electric tricycles in Denver, with plans to put its e-trikes on the streets nationwide.

Boone Ashworth

What WIRED Writers Would Actually Give Their Moms

Your mom never gets you a thoughtless gift, so you shouldn’t get her one, either. Here’s every cool gift WIRED writers would give their mothers.

Nena Farrell

Which Apple Watch Should You Buy?

Should you splurge on the new Series 11, or will the SE 3 do? Let us help you figure out which version to get (and which to avoid).

Boutayna Chokrane

12 Adventurous Gifts for Hikers, Backpackers, and Outdoorsy People

Let them pick out their own hiking boots. Instead, try gifting a useful blade or a nature journal to delight your outdoorsy friend.

Scott Gilbertson

A Two-Person Startup Has Fixed One of the Most Hated Sounds in Modern Life

Beeeep. Beeeep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Jeremy White

Can the New York Times Save Journalism From Our AI Overlords?

In 2023, the Times sued OpenAI and Microsoft for copyright infringement. They’ve since spent more than $20 million on the case, and publisher A.G. Sulzberger has no plans to stop fighting it.

Katie Drummond

Silicon Valley’s Next IPO Billionaires Are Coming. Nonprofits Are Ready for Them

Anthropic and OpenAI employees are expected to give generously after their companies go public. “It’s going to be a wild ride,” says one nonprofit leader.

Paresh Dave

The Dyson V16 Piston Animal Can Do It All

Dyson’s new stick vacuum can vacuum and mop in a single cordless device—if you’re willing to really splurge.

Nena Farrell

‘They’re Fucking a Lot of People’: 7-OH Users Brace for DEA Ban

The opioid-like compound, which is found in kratom, can cause brutal withdrawal symptoms and will soon be a controlled substance. Some users tell WIRED it has relieved their pain and anxiety.

Manisha Krishnan

An Extreme Solar Storm May Be Even More Devastating Than Previously Imagined

Scientists have long assumed that there’s an upper limit to the intensity of the solar winds that reach Earth. New research suggests there’s not—and the implications are alarming.

Javier Carbajal

Hugging Face Has a Deepfake Nudes Problem

Researchers tested top image editing models on Hugging Face and found they could easily create explicit deepfakes—and 1,000 image editing prompts show how people use the software.

Matt Burgess