The WIRED Guide to Becoming the Biggest Nerd on Campus
These products will have you claiming Alpha Nerd status in no time.
Ray-Ban
Featured in this article
New Wayfarer Glasses
Thick-rimmed specs are a badge of nerd honor, and you deserve more than cheap frames with a taped-up bridge. Ray-Ban's [new Wayfarer frames](http://www.ray-ban.com/usa/eyeglasses/RX5184%20MALE%20012-new%20wayfarer%20optics-black/805289324485) ($170) split the difference between those guys in the [Fight For Your Right](http://www.beastiemania.com/qa/ffyrtp02.php) video and Tom Cruise in *Risky Business*. Wear them au naturel for 364 days, then tape them up for Nerd Pride Day on May 25.
International Order for Gorillas T-Shirt
In the '80s, being "cool" or being a "nerd" was an either/or thing. Val Kilmer's character in *Real Genius* changed the game: He used smarts to turn his dorm into an ice rink and a professor's home into a massive Jiffy Pop pan. He also wore this sweet [International Order for Gorillas shirt](http://www.founditemclothing.com/shop/International-Order-for-Gorillas.html) ($21) while [demoing the world's most powerful laser](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ds0wYpc1eM).
American Giant Classic Full-Zip Hoodie
Thanks to [this guy](https://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/zuck-levy.jpg) (or maybe [this person](https://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/ff_oculusrift6_f.jpg) or [this character](https://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/mrr_elliot_gallery_13-582x327.jpg)), the hoodie is a must-have nerd staple. It's practically a nerd tuxedo at this point. This [American Giant hoodie](http://www.american-giant.com/classic-full-zip/M1-1A-1.html) ($89) is the filet mignon of nerd tuxedos. It's so good, it doesn't care if a metaphor doesn't make sense.
Springfield Isotopes Hat
For some reason, the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant softball hat---featuring [Smilin' Joe Fission](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Smilin'_Joe_Fission)---is not available in the real world. But this ['Topes cap](http://idealcapco.com/20FIISO95.html) ($49) is, and it's awesome.
If you're a nerd, you have to OWN IT. That doesn't mean buying a Star Trek remote control or a Bazinga shirt and calling it a day. No, you must curate the various nerdy items in your life like an expert chef, using only the highest-quality ingredients. Only the deepest cuts in the realm of pop-culture references. Only the most-pragmatic attire. Only the sickest mechanical keyboard. These products will ensure everyone knows you're the Alpha Nerd.
Ray-Ban01New Wayfarer Glasses
Thick-rimmed specs are a badge of nerd honor, and you deserve more than cheap frames with a taped-up bridge. Ray-Ban's [new Wayfarer frames](http://www.ray-ban.com/usa/eyeglasses/RX5184%20MALE%20012-new%20wayfarer%20optics-black/805289324485) ($170) split the difference between those guys in the [Fight For Your Right](http://www.beastiemania.com/qa/ffyrtp02.php) video and Tom Cruise in *Risky Business*. Wear them au naturel for 364 days, then tape them up for Nerd Pride Day on May 25.
Found Item Clothing02International Order for Gorillas T-Shirt
In the '80s, being "cool" or being a "nerd" was an either/or thing. Val Kilmer's character in *Real Genius* changed the game: He used smarts to turn his dorm into an ice rink and a professor's home into a massive Jiffy Pop pan. He also wore this sweet [International Order for Gorillas shirt](http://www.founditemclothing.com/shop/International-Order-for-Gorillas.html) ($21) while [demoing the world's most powerful laser](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ds0wYpc1eM).
American Giant03American Giant Classic Full-Zip Hoodie
Thanks to [this guy](https://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/zuck-levy.jpg) (or maybe [this person](https://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/ff_oculusrift6_f.jpg) or [this character](https://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/mrr_elliot_gallery_13-582x327.jpg)), the hoodie is a must-have nerd staple. It's practically a nerd tuxedo at this point. This [American Giant hoodie](http://www.american-giant.com/classic-full-zip/M1-1A-1.html) ($89) is the filet mignon of nerd tuxedos. It's so good, it doesn't care if a metaphor doesn't make sense.
Ideal Cap Company04Springfield Isotopes Hat
For some reason, the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant softball hat---featuring [Smilin' Joe Fission](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Smilin'_Joe_Fission)---is not available in the real world. But this ['Topes cap](http://idealcapco.com/20FIISO95.html) ($49) is, and it's awesome.
SCOTTeVEST05Scott eVest Revolution
You don't want to have too many pop-culture references in your wardrobe. Switch it up with this pragmatic jacket. This [Scott eVest](http://www.scottevest.com/v3_store/Revolution-Jacket.shtml) ($225) number has like a zillion pockets hidden inside it, including one for your dang iPad. You've got compartments to keep your Android device, calculator, and iPhone safely separated, a holster for your bottle of Soylent, and... about five more pockets.
Kangaroos06A Pair of Kangaroos
[Kangaroos](http://www.kangaroos.com/) ($30) are the Scott eVests of footwear. At least in theory, because they don't have nearly as much storage capacity. The shoes only have a couple of tiny pockets in them, good for about 47 cents in change, a set of keys, or a USB stick with the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy on it.
CODE07CODE Mechanical Keyboard
Of course you need a mechanical keyboard, and CODE's [gorgeous matte-black model](https://codekeyboards.com/) ($145 - 165) is a masterpiece. It may look understated, but it's about as advanced as a keyboard can get. You can pick from four Cherry MX switch sets, configure the keys via a set of switches on the underside, and turn the keyboard's backlight on or off.
Ergotech08Multi-monitor stand
Two monitors isn't cool. You know what's cool? Three monitors. Your peripheral vision will be pleased with [this three-monitor stand](http://shop.ergotechgroup.com/triple-monitor-stands-tw) ($170), which accommodates a trio of 27-inch monitors. That's 81 inches of monitor for your gaming and coding whims.
Science & Society Picture Library/Getty Images09Macquarium
For some reason, there's no readymade version of [a Macquarium](http://lowendmac.com/2013/so-you-wanna-build-a-macquarium/). This is a major oversight, one you will eventually turn into your own multi-thousand-dollar business out of your dorm room. But first, you're going to need to build your own. And maybe get some fish.
Segway10Segway MiniPro
You were smart to hold out on buying a "hoverboard" until they figured out the whole exploding-battery thing. [Segway's MiniPro](http://www.wired.com/2016/07/weird-new-segway-finally-making-hoverboards-legit/) ($798) was the first post-hover-boom vehicle to earn UL-2272 electrical safety certification, and it adds plenty more unique features: Inflatable tires, a steering system that uses your knees, and the ability to drive it with an app without riding it.
Duncan11Duncan Echo Yo-Yo
[This yo-yo](https://www.yo-yo.com/index.php/site/products/3124BU-RD) ($47) is just a "yo." It's unresponsive, which means it won't return to your hand automatically. For that, you'll need to learn some [binding tricks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0wnN4blxII), which means you'll be the talk of the town with your yo-yo skillz. Don't forget the [yo-yo lube](https://yoyotricks.com/yoyo-store/yoyo-mods-maintenance/yoyo-lube/yotricks-thin-yoyo-lube/).
Dice Lab12120-Sided Die
Gaming without dice is like eating cornflakes without the milk. [This one](http://thedicelab.com/d120.html) ($12) is ridiculously impractical in most games, but we're sure you can find some way to squeeze a 1d120 roll into your next campaign.
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Tim Moynihan covers hardware for Gadget Lab, with a concentration on cameras, TVs, Ultra HD video, virtual reality, and the weirdest things he can find. He has 17 years of tech journalism experience, serving as senior editor at PCWorld, homepage editor at CNET, and an online producer at TechTV prior ... Read More
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