Gifts for Women When Everything Is in Retrograde

The future of self-care is here, and it looks like a sci-fi horror movie. The Dr. Dennis Gross SpectraLite FaceWare Pro is on every woman's wish list, using red (630-nm red and 880-nm infrared) and blue light (415 nm) therapy to reduce breakouts, firm skin, and smooth out fine lines—all while making her look like a Transformer. It's FDA-cleared and comfortable to wear during the quick but effective three-minute sessions. It's also wireless, so she can do her skincare routine while doomscrolling, meditating, or plotting revenge. See more mask bestsellers in our guide to the Best LED Face Masks.

If I have to feed myself, I want a kitchen appliance that does most of my labor. The Breville Smart Oven Air Fryer Noir is that appliance. She’s goth. She’s gorgeous. She air-fries, slow-cooks, and bakes with zero complaints. There are 11 preset functions, to be exact. I don’t know what all of them do, and I don’t care, because she knows. I don’t want to think about settings, and with Breville’s Element iQ system, which auto-adjusts temperature for precision cooking, I don’t have to. There’s even an app, which I didn’t download, because I’m busy. You can check out more of our Air Fryer picks here.

Therabody's TheraFace Depuffing Wand doesn’t leave my side during travel. It combines hot and cold therapy to tackle puffiness, improve circulation, and better absorb skincare products before application. The curved applicator and precision tip zero in on tricky spots, like under the eyes or across the jawline. The Depuffing Wand has three preset temperature levels for each mode. The cryotherapy is consistent throughout the six-minute session—plus, it won’t drip or crack if you forget about it in the freezer like traditional ice rollers. (Don’t put it in the freezer.) There’s also a little light that flashes at the three-minute mark to remind you to switch sides, though you’ll miss it if you’re too busy staring into your soul in the mirror.

These Speks Odds Silicone Fidget Magnets are here to help you survive your stay in the stress-stricken simulation. Each set comes with three palm-sized magnets, encased in soft and textured silicone, that are designed to keep your hands busy while your brain zones out. I can’t stop fiddling with them when I’m watching TV and during Zoom calls. I can’t risk losing them by taking them outside, so they’ve found a home on my desk.

Speks also sells starter kits and gift bundles packed with other fidget toys. I loved the Moon Jelly Gump Memory Gel Stress Ball, until I handed it to my boyfriend for five minutes and he popped it. Men ruin everything.

If she needs a break from reality (or perhaps is scouting for new planets), the Celestron StarSense Dobsonian Telescope is a unique gift. It offers some of the best optics you can get for under $1,000, and its Celestron StarSense app makes celestial navigation easy, even for first-time stargazers. WIRED reviewer Scott Gilbertson says this Newtonian telescope, with its two-axis altazimuth mount, is not too heavy or difficult to operate. This means she can use it in her backyard or haul it to a remote desert where she can pretend humanity doesn’t exist for a while.

Get her the Namii Clitorial Suction Stimulator & Vibrator. It’s tiny. It’s mighty. It’s hands-free (!!!), made of soft silicone, with five vibration patterns and five suction intensities. It’ll blow her mind and then blow it again. It even sits on a cute glowing charging stand that doubles as a nightlight. Gift the Namii to your bestie, or to your partner if you want to spice things up (any sex toy can be a couple’s toy with a little creativity).

The BrüMate Togosa gets it. It’s a wine chiller, pitcher, or whatever you need it to be, because we no longer have the patience for single-purpose objects. Slide in a pre-chilled bottle, twist the lid shut, and let the BevGuard triple-insulation keep your drink icy without ice, condensation, or a watery demise. When the vibe shifts from pinot to sangria, swap out the chiller lid and pour in your batch of whatever (up to 49 ounces). The leakproof strainer lid also keeps fruit, ice, and other garnishes from pouring through. And because being checked out of Earth doesn’t mean trashing it, its lids are made from 13 recycled water bottles, some finishes are dishwasher-safe to conserve water usage, and the vessel itself is built to last for a lifetime. (If for some reason it doesn’t, BrüMate also offers a lifetime warranty.)

Sometimes, the only way to check out is to beam yourself into another world, preferably one with juicier plotlines. This projector has 450 ISO lumens and 1080p resolution, with 4K support and color calibration. The gimbal stand tilts 165 degrees for projecting on walls, ceilings, or the back of an RV. The included hard-shell case is great for portability and easy storage. It runs for 2.5 hours on a single charge, and it's power bank-compatible, so you can watch from anywhere. Its AI-powered setup takes care of autofocus, screen fit, obstacle avoidance, and keystone correction, so she doesn't have to fiddle with settings with every tectonic shake. For more projectors, check out our guide.

Not everyone has the square footage for a full-on meditation temple, but this 11-inch wonder is compact enough to fit on a console or side table. The teeny metal sphere slides through sand, fabricating spellbinding patterns that lure your mind into a tranquil trance. With over 100 hypnotic designs and ambient light options, it’s a customizable zen garden. You can tweak the speed, soundscapes, or even commence a guided meditation through its companion app. It’s mindfulness made smart, so she can get some peace at least for a few minutes.

The Deco Gravity Bong is here to defy more than just gravity. Handmade from thick borosilicate glass, this tabletop beauty isn’t just functional—it belongs on display. Aesthetically, it delivers an old-world opulence that makes you feel like you’re lounging in a 1920s speakeasy. It’s also discreet enough to blend into your glassware or home decor collection. It’s composed of four easy-to-clean components—shell, core, 14mm bowl, and a silicone gasket—that are also replaceable if something shatters, so she doesn’t have to shell out for a whole new set.

The Everywhere Tote is for the woman who is going where the universe takes her. It has everything one might need for far-flung travels: a 16-inch padded laptop sleeve, a handful of interior pockets, and a water-resistant nylon exterior for when you’re caught in an otherworldly atmospheric anomaly. Available in elemental shades like coast blue, sea green, and clay pink—it’s at home anywhere, from the gym to an impromptu odyssey. If she needs to jet off on a moment’s notice, it’s got a key clip, a trolley sleeve, and an exterior pocket for her wallet and passport. It also meets airlines’ personal item requirements.

If we must eke out an existence on this planet, we might as well have perfect hair while we do it. The AirLight Pro uses near-infrared light, high wind speed, and controlled heat to dry hair faster, more quietly, and with less damage than most traditional hair dryers. It leaves strands 33 percent more hydrated and 59 percent smoother, all while using 31 percent less energy—which is more than we can say for most people in power.

It’s not cheap, but it’s only slightly pricier than a Dyson SuperSonic and unlike the Dyson, it’s repairable if something breaks. Bonus: It works abroad, so whether she’s escaping to a tropical vacation or an underground bunker, at least her hair will be fabulous.