Gallery: Game of Etsy: The Best and Weirdest Handicrafts of Westeros
01game-of-etsy
What's the best part of having a beloved series hit the big time? Is it the newly widespread appreciation for an author you love? Seeing your favorite scenes come to life before your eyes? Of course not! It's the sudden avalanche of weird handicrafts! Join Wired as we search Etsy for its most remarkable *Game of Thrones*-inspired memorabilia, from the brilliant to the bizarre. Remember, when you play the Game of Etsy, you win, or you become the proud new owner of a lumpy felt monstrosity!
02khal-drogo-thongs
There’s nothing that caps off a successful date like peeling of your lady’s jeans only to see [Khal Drogo glaring up at you from her crotch](http://www.etsy.com/listing/104037270/khal-drogo-triple-panty-set). If you’ve been longing for a horse lord in your pants, not one, nor even two, but *three* different Drogo-themed thongs can now be yours. Alas, they’re only available in women’s sizes for now.
03love-card
Whether you’re trying to tell your love that you’re in it for the medium-haul or put a positive spin on premature ejaculation, [this card is for you](http://www.etsy.com/listing/120189978/my-love-for-you-lasts-longer-than-ned). There aren’t many other circumstances under which I’d recommend giving it, though: no matter the angle, it suggests a pretty bleak prognosis.
04my-little-greyjoy-2
It wouldn’t be an Etsy round-up without at least one bizarrely inappropriate [My Little Pony refashion](http://www.etsy.com/listing/114490613/sale-reduced-price-my-little-pony-custom)! House Greyjoy may not sow, but frolicking over the hills of Equestria is apparently negotiable. No word yet on whether PayPal can accommodate buyers looking to pay the iron price.
05alternate-endings
Do you think the War of the Five Kings would have been improved if [Santa Claus](http://www.etsy.com/listing/118143225/santa-king-of-the-iron-throne) had been one of the folks vying for the Iron Throne? How about [University of Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari](http://www.etsy.com/listing/120734471/basketball-coach-john-calipari-sits-on)? You’re not alone, pilgrim -- and now, your walls can pay tribute to the Westeroses that might-have-been.
06cookie-cutters-of-westeros
Why watch the royal houses of Westeros devour each other when you could devour them yourself -- [in delicious cookie form](http://www.etsy.com/listing/125471738/game-of-thrones-sigil-cookie-cutter-set)? Serve singly, or reenact your favorite royal liaisons with some sandwich cookie squid-on-stag slash fiction.
07game-of-deaths-print
Look, we pretend we’re in it for the intrigue and romance, but we all know what *Game of Thrones* is really about: the grisly deaths. [Here’s an art print](http://www.etsy.com/listing/116734781/game-of-deaths) that puts the “graphic” back in design, paying tribute to ten memorable fatalities of the first two seasons.
08ned-stark-christmas-card
As Ned looks over the North and anticipates the harsh snows of Winter, so do some of us tick days off our calendar in rising dread of the holidays. The carolers might try to spread empty cheer, but Ned Stark knows the *true* meaning of Christmas: icy desolation and rising hordes of the undead. It’s spring now, but come November, you’ll be glad you prepared for the festive storm with [these portentous cards](http://www.etsy.com/listing/117637248/game-of-thrones-inspired-card-brace).
09houses-of-westeros-print
If, like me, you read the books with the charts at the end dog-eared and watch the show with Wikipedia open, you’ll appreciate [this colorful chart](http://www.etsy.com/listing/123180908/game-of-thrones-westeros-houses-17x11), which lays out the nine high houses of Westeros and their bannermen. I recommend hanging it over the TV, for quick reference.
10hodor-shirt
[Hodor.](http://www.etsy.com/listing/126054049/game-of-thrones-t-shirt)
11storm-of-swords-secret-box-2
By now, you’ll be needing somewhere to store all your *Game of Thrones* swag. Here’s a cool twist on the old secret-compartment-in-a-book: [a hidden-drawer box](http://www.etsy.com/listing/87753450/a-storm-of-swords-hideway-book-box) painstakingly burned and painted to look like the third volume of *A Song of Ice and Fire*. If *A Storm of Swords* isn’t your volume of choice, never fear -- the seller has others available.
12jaime-and-cersei-his-n-hers-pendants
When you’re hooking up with your twin and you want to make it clear that you’d push a small child to his apparent death to protect your mutual secret, only certain tokens will do. Fortunately for you, [Etsy has your back](http://www.etsy.com/listing/123478720/his-and-hers-game-of-thrones-necklace). Seriously, can you think of a single context in which it would be okay to give someone half of this necklace? I can’t -- but then, I’m also an only child.
13dire-wolves-shirt
There are a lot of variations on this particular theme, but this one has the advantage of a genuinely clever twist. Show your love for the four-legged Starks *and* minimalist typography in one go, with [this simple and stylish shirt](http://www.etsy.com/listing/107640031/game-of-thrones-the-direwolves-of).
14tyrion-print-2
There are a lot of portraits of the cast of *Game of Thrones*, in a lot of different styles, but [this is one of the best I’ve seen](http://www.etsy.com/listing/126555428/tyrion-lannister-print-on-wood) when it comes to bridging the fan-art-fine-art divide. If you’re not sure you want the Imp’s baleful gaze looking down from your wall, you can have your pick from among Jon, Cersei, Jamie, and Danerys in the same style.
15iron-throne-toilet-decal-2
[You win, or you die.](http://www.etsy.com/listing/104356743/sword-throne-toilet-decal)
