Gallery: Crack Your Brewskis in Style With These Bitchin' Bottle Openers

  • Image may contain Handle Tool and Hammer
    01

    1513WIBRBARZ002-sq

    Yes, it is a bit silly to spend $48 on a bottle opener. But then again, you're probably drunk right now, and that's a great excuse to buy wasteful things you don't need. Like this [Hex bottle opener](http://shop.iacolimcallister.com/product/hex-opener). Go for it. Photo: Naoya Fujishiro
  • Image may contain Helmet Clothing Apparel Blade Weapon Scissors and Weaponry
    02
    At least two Wired staffers have this [Corter Bottlehook](http://shop.corterleather.com/products/bottlehook) keychain hooked on their belt loops, and both of them are boozy types. (Hi Mat and Mike.) Now, you may not be a boozy type yourself, but you can still open a beer right from your hip. Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED
  • Now this is a key fob. Triple Aught Design's Skeleton Key will screw in a bolt remove a nail intimidate the timid and...
    03

    20140626-THINGS-LOVE-JUNE-024edit

    Now this is a key fob. Triple Aught Design's [Skeleton Key](http://store.tripleaughtdesign.com/Skeleton-Key) will screw in a bolt, remove a nail, intimidate the timid, and open a beer. Plus, it has a skull on it. Tasty. Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED
  • Image may contain Bomb Weapon Dynamite and Weaponry
    04

    20140701-BEER-OPENERS-016edit

    Were you aware the Swiss have a functioning army? Me neither. But bless their troops who also apparently invented [multi-purpose knives](http://www.swissarmy.com/) that fit on your keychain and also open your beer. Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED
  • Image may contain Glasses Accessories Accessory and Sunglasses
    05

    20140701-BEER-OPENERS-043edit

    [William Painter](http://williampainter.com/) built bottle openers into the temples of its Ray Ban-esque shades. Pull them off your face, pop your bottle, and then open your booze maw because coldness is coming. Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED
  • Image may contain Tool
    06

    20140702-BEER-OPENERS-063edit

    I like to call this baby my [Crowpener](http://www.anidealshop.com/index.php?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=104&category_id=84&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=1). The hand-forged iron make s a beautiful accessory, a relentless opener, and a handy weapon if you're too drunk and need to fight. Caw, caw! Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED
  • Image may contain Wrench Scissors Weapon Blade and Weaponry
    07

    20140702-BEER-OPENERS-081edit

    Riding bikes on July 4 is hot---both literally and in a metaphorical, hipster-ish sense meaning in fashion. Cool down and look rad by whipping out [Surly's Jethro Tule opener](http://surlybikes.com/parts/small_parts/jethro_tule) that doubles as a 15mm hub wrench for your fixie. Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED
  • Image may contain Lighter
    08

    20140702-BEER-OPENERS-104edit

    Want to look bad-ass and impress the fellas? Whip out that [Bic](http://www.flickyourbic.com/) from your pocket and wedge against your thumb-bone, levering open the beer. Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED
  • Image may contain Weapon Weaponry Blade and Razor
    09

    Alessi-Splugen-handout

    This stainless steel [Splügen opener](http://www.alessi.com/en/2/1377/bar-and-wines/ac11-splugen-bottle-opener) is both handy and fancy---too fancy for you, drunkie! This is the kind of elegant tool you use to open other people's beers when you're sober. You, you stick with the Bic. Photo: Alessi
  • Image may contain Human Person Bottle Drink Beverage and Alcohol
    HomeWetBar LLC
    10

    And-Another-handout

    This opener in the shape of an ampersand is cleverly titled "[And Another](http://www.homewetbar.com/and-another-beer-bottle-opener-p-3099.html)" because it wants you to be up front about the fact that you have a problem. But at least your friends will envy you until your inevitable arrest. Photo: Home Wet Bar
  • I know what you are thinking Who would close a beer But let's say it's a really really big beer and you have to go to...
    11

    Hermetus-handout

    I know what you are thinking: Who would close a beer? But let's say it's a really, really big beer, and you have to go to the bathroom for an hour and you can't bring your beer with you. Well, this [Hermetus opener](https://store.kaufmann-mercantile.com/collections/kitchen/serving/products/hermetus-bottle-opener-resealer) will also re-seal your bottle. Burp. Photo: Hermetus
  • Image may contain Weapon Gun and Weaponry
    12

    brews-key-handout-by-zymurgear

    This machined aluminum [Brews-Key opener](http://www.zymurgear.com/) will also re-seal your beer, which as we have previously established is sometimes necessary, sliding over the top of the bottle for an airtight fit. Photo: Zymurgear
  • Image may contain Gold Clothing Apparel and Bronze
    13

    Chubby-Brass-handout-High Street-Market

    This [chubby brass owl](http://www.highstreetmarket.com/collections/gifts-under-30-00/products/chubby-brass-owl-bottle-opener) has a slotted bottom. A slotted bottom that holds a cap and pops it off of a bottle. Also it looks very cool sitting on your bar. Photo: High Street Market
  • Magnets they just work. This DropCatch wallmounted bottle opener will both remove your bottle cap from your beverage and...
    14

    Dropcatch-handout

    Magnets: they just work. This [DropCatch](http://dropandcatch.com/) wall-mounted bottle opener will both remove your bottle cap from your beverage, and then use the power of magnetism to catch it before it falls to the floor. Which is good, because you should not make any sudden moves. Photo: Dropcatch
Read More
Newly Deciphered Sabotage Malware May Have Targeted Iran’s Nuclear Program—and Predates Stuxnet
Researchers have finally cracked Fast16, mysterious code capable of silently tampering with calculation and simulation software. It was created in 2005—and likely deployed by the US or an ally.
Andy Greenberg
Rednote Draws a Line Between China and the World
As the platform expands abroad, it’s taking steps to separate Chinese users from the international audiences it once brought together.
Zeyi Yang
Apple’s Next Chapter, SpaceX and Cursor Strike a Deal, and Palantir’s Controversial Manifesto
In this week’s episode of Uncanny Valley, we talk about Tim Cook’s legacy as CEO at Apple and what his long-rumored departure means for the future of one of the world's biggest companies.
Brian Barrett
At 'AI Coachella,' Stanford Students Line Up to Learn From Silicon Valley Royalty
CS 153 has gone viral on the Palo Alto campus—and on X. Not everyone is happy about it.
Maxwell Zeff
Palantir Employees Are Starting to Wonder if They're the Bad Guys
Interviews with current and former Palantir employees, along with internal Slack messages obtained by WIRED, suggest a workforce in turmoil.
Makena Kelly
This Is the Only Office Lamp That Does Double Duty on My Nightstand
Portable lamps are rarely, if ever, as powerful, precise, and multipurpose as the Lume Cube Edge Light Go.
Matthew Korfhage
These New Smart Glasses From Ex-OnePlus Engineers Have a Hidden Cost
The Kickstarter-funded glasses from L'Atitude 52°N have AI features bundled for one year, but the company doesn't know yet how much it will charge for access after that.
Boone Ashworth
The Best Pool-Cleaning Robots for a Truly Automated Summer
Send the pool guy packing. One of these robotic buddies can maintain your water quality instead.
Christopher Null
The Best Fitbit Models for Every Lifestyle
The fitness trackers I'd recommend to beginners, athletes, and kids.
Boutayna Chokrane
Robot Vacuums That Don't Suck (Unless It's Dirt)
Tired of vacuuming? Hand the reins to a robot vacuum.
Nena Farrell
They Made D4vd a Star. Now They Want Him Convicted of Murder
A legion of young fans propelled the singer D4vd to viral fame. Now that he’s been charged with the murder of 14-year-old Celeste Rivas Hernandez, they say the clues were in their Discord all along.
Jennifer Swann
Your Shower Water Might Be Messing With Your Hair and Skin—These Filters Help
I tested leading filtered showerheads to see how well they remove total chlorine from your water.
Matthew Korfhage