Gallery: The Weird and Wonderful Critters That Basically Rule Earth
Josh Valcarcel/WIRED01-MG-9487-Edit-2
This is the remarkable *Spondylus*, also known as the thorny oyster (though it's not a true oyster), which relies on those thorns to keep predators from prying it open. This species lives in the Sea of Cortez, but other species in the group occur all over the world. Indeed, [ancient Europeans were once bonkers for it](http://isaw.nyu.edu//exhibitions/oldeurope/sites/all/themes/isaw/Spondylus.pdf), since it made for great jewelry and beads and such, which was pretty much all you had to look forward to back then.
Josh Valcarcel/WIRED02GG3A5823-Edit
You may recognize the basket star from its starring role in a [decidedly creepy video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZRuBXWUw9U) from October. Appropriately enough, this species is called *Gorgonocephalus eucnemis*, after the snake-headed Gorgons of myth, like Medusa. They hunt by doing nothing, really, just sitting there and waiting for plankton to get caught on hooks on their arms. It’s like fishing...with your entire body.
Josh Valcarcel/WIRED03GG3A5930-Edit-2
If you're a snail, you can grow a super-spiky shell to fend off your enemies, and [eventually get named after a punk rock star](http://www.theverge.com/2014/12/16/7401781/sea-snail-the-clash-joe-strummer-punk). Or you can just glue a bunch of crap to your back like this [carrier shell snail](http://deepseanews.com/2013/06/the-masters-of-bling-carrier-snails/). The bits on the top likely helped this one camouflage itself, while the spiky downward-facing shells probably helped anchor it to the soft ocean bottom.
Josh Valcarcel/WIRED04GG3A5890
The shingle urchin from the intertidal zones of Hawaii. Unlike most urchins, this little critter has modified its spines into flat bumps, almost like armor. And those "spines" flaring out at the edges [help it cling to rocks](http://www.waikikiaquarium.org/experience/animal-guide/invertebrates/echinoderms/shingle-urchin/) in the chaos of the wave impact zone. Its purple coloration likely helps it blend in with the volcanic rock around the islands. Or maybe purple is just its favorite color. Who knows.
Josh Valcarcel/WIRED05GG3A5936-Edit
This is the [emerald green snail](http://programs.wcs.org/png/Wildlife/ManusGreenTreeSnail.aspx), whose beauty is also its undoing. Its shell is prized by collectors, and we now find ourselves collecting it to extinction. Indeed, much of the Academy's shell specimens come from seizures of smuggled pieces. It's a sad state of affairs, but at least some specimens are making it into the hands of scientists.
Josh Valcarcel/WIRED06GG3A5843
The lovely noble scallop from the waters off Japan. Fun fact: scallops are the most hilarious swimmers in the sea, hands down. When disturbed, they take off, [chomping like Pacman to get themselves off the sea floor](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2iXHBuSIJY) with jets of water. Also, they have a ton of eyes, [dozens of them](http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/03/did-you-know-scallops-have-eyes-me-neither-but-look/274469/), that line the tissue where their shells open. They're not the greatest peepers, though, and having so many of them makes it easy to poke them in the eye.
Josh Valcarcel/WIRED07GG3A6039-Edit
*Lytechinus variegatus*, aka the green sea urchin, which calls the waters of the Caribbean and South America home. Its cousins around Alaska were actually partly responsible for driving the [33-foot Steller's sea cow](https://www.wired.com/2014/01/absurd-creature-of-the-week-stellers-sea-cow/) to extinction. When we overhunted the sea otter in the 1700s, the populations of their prey, the sea urchin, exploded. The urchins in turn devoured all of the kelp, which the sea cow had fed on.
Josh Valcarcel/WIRED08GG3A5958
If you're anything like me, when you see a giant clam, you think of the ones in the [Submarine Voyage at Disneyland](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Submarine_Voyage). If you don't, then you're not like me, and that's OK. But the giant clam can grow to an [astonishing 440 pounds](http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/invertebrates/giant-clam/). And no, it doesn't eat people. Unless you count plankton as people, but that would just be irrational.
Josh Valcarcel/WIRED09-MG-9519
Those land-dwelling pill bugs, or roly polies, or whatever you happen to call them, are harmless. But their enormous deep-sea cousin, [the giant isopod](http://www.aquariumofpacific.org/onlinelearningcenter/species/giant_isopod), grows to over a foot long and is a voracious scavenger, and perhaps even goes after live prey. And they can go a really, really long time without eating, at least as long as [5 years](http://www.npr.org/blogs/krulwich/2014/02/22/280249001/i-wont-eat-you-cant-make-me-and-they-couldnt), which is quite a bit longer than my 5 minutes.
