Every Dazed and Confused Character, Ranked by Coolness

Nixing the party of the year at the last minute? Not cool, Mr. Pickford! (Love the jacket, though.)

Granted, he's not as hard-assed as Coach Conrad, but this guy tries so hard to "rap" with the kids—saying "muff," etc.—that it automatically de-cools him.

Between the constant lecturing and the dopey "pledge sheets" he's trying to get everyone to sign, this dude's in need of a serious attitude adjustment. Until then: Not cool.

One of the uncoolest dudes in the entire movie, by a long yard.

His slow-riding, easy-taking approach is pretty cool, but the fact that we never see him catching any freshman? Not so cool.

He *did *have a hot date to get to that night, indicating that—somehow, somewhere—Ben is actually cool. But his role in getting the Pickford bash kiboshed makes him uncooler than a Shiner Bock left in the sun.

The fact that these painted-upon figures look more life-like than modern-day Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley make them both hotter than hell *and *cooler than cool.

The fact that they were even invited means, sure, they're kinda cool. But to be so out-of-the-loop as to not know the party was dead? Moderately uncool.

Cool shirt, Mr. Pickford. Even cooler than the jacket.

He may look a little grabby in the photo here, but any cool-friend of Pink is a cool-friend of ours.

We'll never know if Mrs. Pickford was happy that her son's nefarious party-plans were canceled, or if she just wanted to go on her big vacation and let the kids be kids. Either way, she keeps a cool head the whole time—not an easy task, given Mr. Pickford's hot-headedness. And even hotter jacket. Wait, no, cooler jacket. Wait, no. Hold on. Ah, forget it.

On the one hand, this is useful information to disseminate, so maybe he was just trying to be cool. But since the chaperone clearly doesn't have anything better to do at night than hang at a jr. high dance, he gets an A+ in Uncoolness.