Pakistan and India have been quarreling over
Kashmir for absolute donkey's years.
Suddenly there's a secret peacemaking
culture-war weapon: Bollywood actress
Urmila Matondkar! Somebody sent
"The Mast Mast Girl" over the border,
and the Pakistani fan population went wild!
"I'm a torchbearer of love and peace!"
"She became a focus of unprecedented media coverage"
The "raindrops of peace" from Indian culture
workers will become a wave of "glamour
diplomacy," inshallah
Glamour diplomacy, well it beats car-bombs – maybe literally
Urmila may not be quite the best actress
in Bollywood, but she can definitely act
(as well as dance) and her mentor, or her
boyfriend, or her Svengali, or whatever he is,
Ramgopal Varma, truly is the best director in
Bollywood.
Varma has wrenched some top-end,
eye-goggling, scenery-chewing performances
out of Urmila. It's wild to see Urmila achieving
this kind of international gravitas as she
deftly performs some kind of
Jane-Fonda-peacenik, Shirley Temple Black
movie-star diplomacy pitch. You go, girl.
There sure is a whole lot for Pakistan to get
peaceful about. The nation has failed to
understand the nature of modernity.
The place is crawling with armed religious
fanatics and the pitiful remnants of democracy
have been captured by feudalistic gangs of
spymaster profiteers who can't run
a real economy for the life of them....
Oh wait, sorry, that was the USA
I was describing there... never mind,
let's move right on:
"Pakistan spies fight terror, still fret over India "
the official pitch from the boys in the ISI
Interesting rumor here about Musharraf having
a roadside bomb suppressor in his vehicle.
Imagine if Saddam Hussein had been captured
and Musharraf blown sky-high on the very same
day. Culture warriors sure do love grabbing
those headlines.
Pakistani radio jammers are perhaps not too
farfetched if there are also handheld
neurotoxin pistols cluttering the Kashmiri
landscape.
Mere bullets don't kill them fast enough, apparently
Best of luck, Bollywood.
