What's the best way to get rid of your unwanted holiday fruitcake? Turns out running one over with an SUV is the best tried-and-true method. That's according to the Reno Gazette-Journal, which, in an effort to rid its readers' homes of the unloved seasonal treat, mounted a series of experiments to determine the best way to destroy the ubiquitous gift. Drop it from a tall building? The fruitcake exhibits only a few fissures. Shoot it with a submachine gun? It survives. Pummeling a pair of target fruitcakes with two M-11 fully automatic submachine guns results in minor damage. "Rather than shattering it into the smithereens as we had expected, the volley of bullets merely nibbled at its edges. And as for the dark center of the beast, it proved too dense to lose its shape," said Gazette reporter Camille Hayes. Kicking a fruitcake like a football, however, results in a gratifying explosion of candied fruit. No mention was made of consuming the blasted things.
Let Them Eat ...?
What's the best way to get rid of your unwanted holiday fruitcake? Turns out running one over with an SUV is the best tried-and-true method. That's according to the Reno Gazette-Journal, which, in an effort to rid its readers' homes of the unloved seasonal treat, mounted a series of experiments to determine the best way to destroy the ubiquitous gift. Drop it from a tall building? The fruitcake exhibits only a few fissures. Shoot it with a submachine gun? It survives. Pummeling a pair of target fruitcakes with two M-11 fully automatic submachine guns results in minor damage. "Rather than shattering it into the smithereens as we had expected, the volley of bullets merely nibbled at its edges. And as for the dark center of the beast, it proved too dense to lose its shape," said Gazette reporter Camille Hayes. Kicking a fruitcake like a football, however, results in a gratifying explosion of candied fruit. No mention was made of consuming the blasted things.
